Friday, March 23, 2007

I'm not stuck anymore.. I'm just falling. I'm not falling forward, I'm falling backwards to nothing; back to how everything used to be, back to everything I've been afraid of. I just hope I stop falling from a branch hanging out on the edge rather than hitting solid bottom.

This is what I read and its funny yet sad how I can relate to it. I just feel plain jealous of people who know what's happening to them and who know how to put it into words. I am just sturggling....
I am a liar sometimes its just too difficult to face your own reality and I have these "sometimes" all the times, running from my fears, my insecurities ,my brutual realities .....I am lost in no where
I have lost my track and I am afraid to say there is no way leading back to me
see here again I am afraid to accept the realities, the truths of my life which are quite painful to acknowledge....
The things I feel might be very trivial to you and I myself consider them not big enough but small things hurt too don't they? or maybe I am again overreacting ....
ugh see how unsure I am
this is not xactly unsurity its my habbit to lie about what I feel.
You know what I am sick of these lies but I cant stop it now. I will die if I stopped lying
feeling safe
secure about my relations
are the feelings I have not felt ever in my life and well some people do spend their lives without gaining anything..... rite?
khasara hi khasara hota hai
and I can see from here what I had and what I am soon going to lose.....

3 comments:

silent screams said...

tats quite normal...
i mean we lie and fake to make it a reality...we do things tat are supposed to be done...
and i think its better this way
if the fears stay unspoken, they dnt bother tat much...
tats wat happens with me...
and u hang in there yara..
its jst a chain...
*prayers*

Anonymous said...

Dear Allah mian,

i have this really amazing friend but the oposite has always happened to her. i wanted you to know that she doesnt deserve all this. please take her pain away.


ps. give her so much happiness that she forgets how it is to be sad.

Love,
you know who i am:)

Lunatic.... said...

@ anonymous
:S
mujhe alahm nahi atte hote :S