Sunday, December 30, 2007

20 Questions

Tagged By Raaji.

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
well if we take it money-related-valueable stuff then emm..nothing in particular that I owned myself so I would say none ..hey I am not independent yet!

2. One truth in your life thats haunts you everyday?(my question)
I would say if related to only my personality I lack confidence because of reasons..and I wish it wasnt like this it hinders me in a lot of stuff

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Raaji-seems to be good at talking
illusion-we will do photography together and he would lecture me that its "come" not "cum"
zazafeefi-she talks as random as I think

4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Aina's place!

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
I want to go to iraq to Imam Ali's roza

6.Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
well...all the moments I couldnt fight with the cravings..

7.What are you afraid to lose the most?
Aina

8.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
I will leave it where I wud have found it somebody might be in need of it more than me

9.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
next question plz!

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Raaji: Excellent with words,seems to be a joyous person and also has a deep insight for life

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
do i really have to answer...*making faces*

12.Which type of person do you hate the most?
liers!!!:@

13.What is your ambition?
not a very ambitious person but to be a good pyschiatrist and a good human being..a source of help for everyone

14.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
I will see how much back-biting they do and how much truthful they are..the more flattery the more lies

15.Christmas is coming, who do you like to celebrate with?
I wont be celebrating christmas

16.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
If only I could be less possessive

17.Are you a shopaholic or no?
Not at all.

18.Which actress or actors you would like to be?
none

19.It would be 2008 in a few days, do you have a new year’s resolution?
no

20.Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
nope I am on holidays so just going to watch news all day!
I would like to tag
Aina
illusion
Hate
Wisp

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Sometimes you dont need to be perfect to care for someone...and I am really not a perfect person..

Carrie Underwood-I'll stand by you
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

will there be any end?


I want to know where its all going to lead
will there be any end that will prove it was all worthwhile?

I have questions which have bitter truths as answers
and sometimes we just need to block out the things which trigger us to breakdown

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I am going to make a world without you


I will make a world painting it green

there will be peace around me

and redemption will be done for everything you did

I am gonna make a world without you..



my home will be near the green

and it will be my sanctuary

my emotions will be the one which will matter

and shadows of invisiblity will fade

I will make a world of respect without you



my pain will raise the curtain from your lies

and all the hypocrisy will meet its end

my world will be pure and only pure

and your lies amalgamating my truth wont be there

always faltering my belief



and sure I am going to make a world without you...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

xams :@

tomorrow is my chem paper and I am sitting here making a post :P
well its fun doing such stuff na before exam one feels normal :P
I am lil frustrated right now of all the chem swirling around in my head Even in my dreams I am doing chem practicals and when I wake up in morning I remember the readings and colours of the chemicals hehe
I dont know why sodium always feels blue to me and potassium purple chalo potassium has its logic as KMnO4 is purple but why sodium is blue?:s
well u can see kia halat hai meri
ama thinks I am soon going to be proven insane
abu thinks well nothing he doesnt think anything about it
aur kia I am scared too well tats not something new..not cuz of studies just cz of few other stuff
isse yaad aya kal amplifiers parhne hai which btw scare me alot I really dont want to give a damn if the voltage starts dancing or doing party after passing thru an amplifier shit...arrgh stupid phy :@
aur kia its been raining almost all day aaj and its really really cold *for me* :p as ama says "jahanum ki basi sardi mein teri jaan nikal rahi hoti hai"she ridicules me alot for this :$
aur kia hmmmm i am getting sleepy ab i shud go sleep now kal uthna hai phir 5 30 to revise stuff :'(

*God plz stop this heart racing*

Saturday, December 8, 2007

it isnt like we dont really want it..its like we are afraid of the denial..we are scared of giving our best and not getting it in the end

and there are times when its utter silence and you still NEED to scream out loud and say "shut up and fucking listen to me"

and when everything starts to fade just hope not to let go of the things that have always kept you hanging on

I'm gonna make it bend and break.
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll,
In case God doesn't show.
Looking forward to the future,
But my eyesight is going bad.
And this crystal ball, It's always cloudy,
Except for when you look into the past-Fall out boy

I really dont want to know the reasons anymore..I dont want to think how to make it right and try to ignore..sometimes we just need to feel things just to get over them..
It feels like a needle flowing through your veins making you ache and end the helpless feeling

dard itna na hou ke hadd se bahr jae
itna hou ke jiska madawa kia ja sake

and i dont have words to tell how much I want to mend the tragedy
I wana do for you as much as I understand the pain you feel inside

Friday, December 7, 2007

:)

xam time
Life is going green

Ajab hai Tere faisle
per hain tou meray liye hee

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

lingers around..


Update: going through an indifferent phase...things don't really matter and nothing seems to be certain and sure

till then some quotes are here as usual stolen from Lost Quotes:


I'll tell you flat out

It hurts so much to think of this

So from my thoughts I will exclude

The very thing that I hate more than everything is

The way I'm powerless

To dictate my own moods

-Relient K


I've thrown away

So many things that could've been much more

And I just pray

My problems go away if they're ignored

But that's not the way it works

-Relient K
and there are times when you have thought about something so much that there is nothing left to feel for it..you just stare in the hollowness and feel that it exists..it exists very prominently in your life no matter how many smiles you fake,no matter how many tears you hide,no matter how many words you bury away..it exists right there clinging to you like a shadow never leaving never fading...where ever you go wherever you hide away..it exists with you..lingering with you right there..like you are haunted by the demon for your rest of your life..like fear rests in nook and corners of our minds..like the voice of our head..it exists..it camoflauges itself in anger,hatred,pain,hurt,sadness etc but in one form or another it stays there...I dont believe that ignoring it ends it..its like by ignoring it you try to stop for a while and take a breath and then again continue feeling the hollowness..-ME

Friday, November 23, 2007

votever

LAST:
1. last beverage-Tea
2. last phone call- Aina
3. last instant message- Aina!
4. last cd played-oh long time ago dont even remember!
5. last time you cried-emm..an hour or two ago
6. last text message received -G nahi me not gona beat you n I love you bohat(aina hehe)


HAVE YOU EVER:
1. dated someone twice- No
2. been cheated on- Never been in a relationship…so obviously I havent….
3. kissed someone & regretted it-Nope
4. lost someone special-em maybe
6. been drunk and threw up- no!!

LIST FOUR FAVOIRITE COLOURS:
1. Blue
2. Green
3. Black
4.tea pink

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend:No
2. Fallen out of love: Never been in love so no i havent!* saying my thnx to God I am not in such sickness of love*
3. Laughed until you cried:no not this month
4. Met someone who changed your life:lol if saying meeting someone who has already changed your life then yes :)
5. Found out who your true friends are:I already know!
6. Is there something you want to tell someone: oh yes I do!! most of them wud be a vent out!
7. Have you kissed anyone on your friend’s list- xcuse me!I dont like such stupid questions!
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life- 6 i have total 8 contacts! yup i am an anti-social bandi!
9. How many kids do you want to have-I wil adopt two!
10. Do you have any pets: emm yes two goats :S
11. Do you want to change your name: hell no I love it!
12. What did you do for your last birthday:nothing! i sulked at my home
13. What time did you wake up today:10 am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night:chatting with aina and illusion
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for: for aina to have great great success and she gets to believe in herself once again!
16. Last time you saw your father:few mins ago when he was trying to fix the printer
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:Nothing i wud say! I am happy with it cuz watsoever it was..it was all worth it:)
18. What are you listening to right now :azaan horahi hai
19. Have you ever talked to Tom: hain kon??
23. Who’s getting on your nerves right now:this tag:P.
24. Most visited webpage:my own blog


001. Whats your real name:Aliza azhar
002. Nicknames:lizzie..liz..liz piz..pinky..lizzu and everything u can make out of aliza:P
005. Male or Female:Female
006. Elementary-St.Mary convent is this the right spellings:S
007. Middle School- The Public
008. Highschool- Jinnah Highs, Multan
010. Hair colour- reddish brown
011. Long or short- in between long and short:P
015. Are you health freak-hell no!!
016. Height-5'6
017. Do you have a crush on someone:nope
019. Piercings:yup ear piercing
20. Tattoos: Nope
021. Righty or lefty: Righty


FIRSTS :
022. First surgery:none yet
023. First piercing-just ear piercing
024. First best friend:madiha
025. First award:well i think it is in two class in which i stud 2nd throughtout the year hehe
026. First sport you joined-badminton
027. First pet-i dont xactly remember but it has to be a cat:P
028. First vacation-I dont remember! maybe lahore
029. First concert-i again dont remember wat the hell i hate these firsts!!!
030. First crush-i think it was some celebrity which again i dont remember :S


CURRENTLY
049. Eating-nothing
050. Drinking- Nothing
052. I’m about to- have lunch
053. Listening to- commentry of match
055. Waiting for: aina


YOUR FUTURE :
058. Want kids?adopted ones!!
059. Want to get married? NOOO suicide is a better option!
060. Careers in mind?Medicine


…WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
068. Lips or eyes:yrrgh..i think Eyes.
069. Hugs or kisses:None!070. Shorter or taller:taller*yawn*
072. Romantic or spontaneous:wat the hell(timsal i m hating this tag now:@)
073. Nice stomach or nice arms:@
074. Sensitive or loud:I dont care!!
075. Hook-up or relationship: kia musibat hai!!
077. Trouble maker or hesitant:I want him to be a dead one!!


HAVE YOU EVER :
078. Kissed a stranger: No!
080. Lost glasses/contacts:no i dont use any!
081. Ran away from home:no
084. Broken someone’s heart:yup
085. Been arrested: Heck no!
086. Turned someone down: hain??
087. Cried when someone died: Yup
088. Liked a guy:kia hai azab!!


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself:to some extent yes
090. Miracles: YES :D:D
091. Love at first sight:NO i dont believe in any type of such crappy love!
092. Heaven: YES:D
093. Santa Claus: no!!
095. Kiss on the first date:NO!!
096. Angels:YES:D


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?ya :)
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: nahi nahi nahi nahi nahi!!!
099. Do you believe in God?: nowadays I am His angry believer :$
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?JI nahi its a stupid tag!

Monday, November 19, 2007

blah blah blah lol!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

somebody shud tell me to shut up I have started talking ALOT!! Seems like I am always high on sugar:p


somebody tell me to shut up bhuat bolti hun chatar patar lagi hoti hai meri!!!


I feel stranger to myself :P I was such a quiet tameez wali hehe but now :P I should tell myself to calm down and reduce my battery which is highly charged nowadays:P

Friday, November 16, 2007

There is a hole inside this cover
this is the tinge of black in this purity
and then the thoughts pour in and tear you apart
and then the silence engulfs you and brings out the screams


This is the emptiness filling up the mind

fly away

free.....
fall..
fall..
fall..

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Matchbox 20-Soul

Hang out my window and over your head
Stare at your feelings to see where they end
Youre waiting here for someone else to
break you from the inside
Youve been so composed

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause youve got soul

Youre so heavy, youre so misunderstood
And I spent all my wishes wishing times were good
When I still could
Wait around here for someone else to take me past the good side
Youve been here so longer

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause darling, youve got so much soul
Darling, youve got so much soul

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

flow

FMORT-Five minutes of random thoughts
Raaji you did a great job in filling this tag my turn now

well I am filling up this tag and seems the hardest job to me, maybe I am just afraid of my words...very much indeed I always think after speaking and then face its music
aur kia my head aches and my arm too..what am I thinking right now?? I need to find some answers..I need to find my faith back and that desire and hope in praying..I am drifting away from dont know what to dont know where..I desperately need my faith back to cling onto it and fool myself again n again..and i am feeling somhow lil guilty to be indifferent..I feel I am turning a bit selfish I know you will justify me as you always do but whatsoever it is I have always believed that treat people like you want yourself to be treated..now that I am not a sugar-pie anymore so its a lil weird for me..now i m thinking whether its appropriate to write it here or not..well just forget it be random because we are all afraid of our own secrets
we all are afraid of them
we all are afraid of being judged..once you open your secret it doesnt belong to you it becomes a public property
I m too possessive and obssessive somhow maybe its not good to have these traits life becomes a little difficult
and aur kia I have wet hair water dripping here and there and uff itni disturbances hain around me :@ its making me angry
v v angry I just better shut up!!
now peeno showing me some socks that whether they are to be washed or not..I shud have chosen some better time to write it
I tag Aina illusions sadia
\/

The calling-Anything




You know if this earth should crack
I'll be your solid ground
I will be there to catch you when you fall down

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember december
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
(dont know whose lyrics are these)


I wana make my love for you the only thing you care about
My care the only thing that matters to you
And give you happiness that can overcome everything else..

Monday, November 5, 2007

TAG TIME

1.Name one person that made you laugh last night? Aina

2.What are you doing at 8:00?emm watching tv or studyin

3.What were you doing 30 minutes ago? eating

4. What happened to you in 2006?Aina turned into my bestie

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? han ye lou

6. How many beverages did you have today? Pepsi two times

7. What color is your hairbrush? two both of navy blue colour

8. What was the last thing you paid for? Food.

9. Where were you last night?In ama's room

10. What color is your front door?Dark brown

12. What’s the weather like today? i dint get the question

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? vanilla

14. What excites you? smiles,cats,wind chimes

15. Do you want to cut your hair?nope

16. Are you over the age of 25?nope

17. Do you talk a lot? depends...sometimes yes and sometimes no

18. Do you watch the O.C.? now wat is this? :S

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? nope

20. Do you make up your own words? ya!!

21. Are you a jealous person? HELL YA!!!

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’: Aina

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’: nope

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Aina

25. What does the last text message you received say?Liz watch news on net on geo tv N also musharaf's adress 2 da nation ok? Dn tel me abt it love u 2
me stil in clas (tat was aina:p patriotic soul)

26. Do you chew on your straw? ya :P

27. Do you have curly hair?Emm well I have wavy but nt curly

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? abhi tou I wil go into my bed and sleep

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? hmm currently tats my school receptionist :P

30. What was the last thing you ate? paratha with keema

31. Will you get married in the future? Will try my best NOT to!!!

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?Havent seen any in past two weeks

33. When was the last time you did the dishes? Emm dont really remember

34. Are you currently depressed? No

35. Did you cry today? No

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Many sleep in the rain, but I'm awake in the storm-Fort Minor

back into the memory lane you have a beautiful sanctuary there
It grabs me
makes me stay there
gives me comfort
its green


and its been a long while now...words are uttered..words are heard..words do the cutting..words same old words
The days spin..faces...feelings..tingling...
memories...
waiting...
waiting patiently...
faith...I believe prayers are for our ownself for our own surity and comfort to cling onto something..He does what He wants..prayers are just a mere escape of our own

sometimes there are things we cant xplain

sometimes everthing happens for a reason doesnt have any obvious reason for your peace..humans are meant to feel hurt..so sometimes things happen to hurt you..simply hurt you..
sometimes when you get what you dont want is for your own good..really isnt good...you really want what you want..whether its good or bad..some losses are lovely arent they? so why cnt we have them..


sipping this dark tea
hating its bitterness..!
\/

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
linkin park-leave out all the rest

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

But today I'm not so strong

Some quotes from Lost Quotes:
fan of her writing...

It's not that I'm afraid anymore- I'm not. It's just that I'm skeptical. I'm skeptical that things are going to be normal again.

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
-postsecret

But today I'm not so strong,
So lay me down with a sad song,
And when it stops then you know I've been,
Gone too long
....
But don't shake me awake,
Don't bend me or I will break,
Come find me somewhere between my dreams,
With the sun on my face
....
I will still feel it later on,
But for now I'd rather be asleep
-Norah Jones

It's funny how random things can trigger a person to tears. I guess you learn to watch for your own warnings- anything from a speeding car, to reminders of death. We all have our limits. There's always that one thing that makes you want to cry, and it's always that one thing that you can't avoid.

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyways
What's the point when my dreams are infected
with words you used to say
-The Spill Canvas

Sometimes in life you wish for everything, and then there comes a moment when you stop wishing. It's not cause you got what you wanted, but cause you finally accepted that not all wishes can come true.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

GRRrrrrr


You're stabbing in permanent scars,

and you'll justify it all inside yourself.

-Silverstein


You know I fucking want you to rot in the feeling of guilt

time will tell you what you people do and what fucking you should deserve in return!!

Be selfish

Be indifferent

Be angelic in your own made up world but I know what you REALLY are!!

I hope you go through all this what you make others feel!!

Allah ki kasam maza aajaye jab tum sab ko aese feel hou!!!

I pray for tat day!!

Yes me not being good or whatever but You all fucking RIGHTLY deserve it!!

Friday, October 5, 2007

stitches

The pleasure of praying for somebody else
Feeling the loyalty of prayer in your heart
The beautiful sense of responsibility
A security that your missing WILL create a difference
Do you know how it feels to be a healer?
sewing the wounds
trying to stitch them with thread of love
bringing together the broken pieces
wiping dust of carelessness and neglect
settled in years over those pure innocent parts you have forgotten
Its like God has given a job which holds the greatest honour
mending a heart
and you know the return of it?
while healing..your wounds get healed on their own
hehe I am quite stupid :P

I wont give up and I was never planning to give up!
I did hurry to reach to the ends
but how can I say what future holds
It might change
It will change
if it hurts
let it
cuz you are worth it
I dont want to regret anything..

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

stuck..


I cant look back into the past as the horrifying times are choking and the good memories bring yearning.I cant look into the future because there is nothing much to hold onto and reality bites me everytime I want to look forward to something so right now I am stuck in my greypresent.Ever used colours to describe your days? my days are grey..with a tinge of green.Its weird to describe...I am floating..I am floating in time just moving with everyday
And for all the optimistic people out the I know future might have something good but for time being I am stuck..I choke on my every thought,its maddening in my head I cant seem to find any way out.I dont have anything to wait for,I am not anticipating anything,I am not excited about anything to happen...
How the hell do you describe it!!??? I am not getting satisfied with what I am writing it isnt clearly telling what I am feeling..ugh how do you say it
*thinking*
*thinking*
maybe you call it hollowness of time :S
or emptiness of your emotions :S
I dont know I am very much confused and in attempt to stop all the thoughts for future and about past I am afraid I might not be able to feel anything..nah I am a big sensitive freak I would definetely feel thats the only thing I am good at...feeling things to their extreme and then getting scared of the emotional scars...
well I should just end this pointless post
my bio test tomorrow
me all prepared
I wish I could just learn the eqautions and facts of life this easily too and then be at peace by applying them
I wish life was a little more easier..patience and compromises are really two nerve-testing things!
I feel tired now
emotionally and physically
its full moon tonite..
I am so random....blah blah
Ya Allah kia bane ga mera :P
you ppl are allowed to doubt my mental condition by this post :P lols
take care everybody
I will switch off my body now(will sleep)
2-phosphoglycerate is converted to phosphophenol pyruvate with a release of one water molecule.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I am breaking into you...

And I feel the pain behind your words
You might have been choosing them in a way not to hurt
and you beautifully hide behind your facade
I know it has been learnt over the years
but I see the cracks in it..
I know I am breaking into you
You do continue with your regular talks
and all those little ways of telling how your days have been
but behind it
there are uncertainities
millions of black insecurities
bleak subtle emotions to be taken care of
darkness of fears
but I am breaking through into it
I promise to shine light there
and pull out the real you..

tag time

ok now I have been tagged by illusion

Three wishes of lifetime

*mujhe roza lag raha hai and my head is spinning so this post might not turn out very gud..pardon me for that :P*

1.I want to grow up into someone who is helping people and working for causes practically,not just supporting em but helping out by being a part of volunteers.I want to help people in all ways I can and their smiles will be my pay tats all I want in return...I dont want to end my life like any other normal domestic girl but I want to do something purposeful in my life for people and not just continue existing...

2.With my art and sketching I want to potray real intense human emotions of pain and distress and then I want people to relate to my work and then feel connected to it..like they are not the only one going through pain my art has to be a prove that we all go through tough times and we are not alone.

3.Your mesmerizing smile I want to see it all my life.I wait for the day when you come to me all exicted with happiness shinning in your eyes and glow of joy on your face telling me "lizzie everything turned out to be fine at the end..I got my redemption and now I am happy truly happy forever and ever...I am a successful survivor:)"

I tag everyone reading it and having time and enough energy to think about their wishes not loosers like me who take so long to come up with just three wishes! :P

*headaches*

Tommorow

AVRIL LAVIGNE--Tommorow
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change


I dont know what tomorrow holds for me but
I dont wana float in time like I am right now...

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

stuck in a pinhole

looking back into all these years I see a life filled with intense emotions.It had been at its worse and it had given me tears of joy too

thanks to a million tears I have cried and thanks to a million heartaches
thanks to all those people coming and going in my life for using me and then throwing me away I can never forget the feel and emotion felt thru all this while and thanks because it has made me learn so much in life and so early
and ya I want to show my gratitude to you for snatching away the innocence of my past and making me face the realities too early and making me bitter till my core and giving me the gift of self-hatred I dont want to blame you for anything yet I wish you could just realise what a wreckage you have done maybe knowingly...
Yes God I love the strength You have given me and I want this to stay with me for my whole life and yes for all the good that happened to me from the one having a soul link with me
and yes thanks to all the obstacles which we have to go through
You led me to the flood lights and then threw me in a pinhole
yet I will have to compromise
thanks to everyone and everything tat has ever happened to me cuz at the end of the day I learned so much from everything...

khyr

thankyou everyone who wished me today :) It meant alot to me

*aina only if you had been here with me this post cud have been so happy...miss you*

Sunday, September 16, 2007

fading shadows..

And I dont hate you no i really dont
I aint angry either I really aint
but I do feel
I feel
what you wanted to make me feel
but I do wait
I wait
for the time when I will forgive you
but I do know
I know
that aint in near future
but I do hope
I hope
My time will come and will surely come
and I will tell
I will tell
how you turned me into shadows
I can feel I wont stay this for long
I will come out of the curtains
and you will see someone you never knew..
yes
my time will come..

Friday, September 14, 2007

Coldplay-The scientist
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.
Im going back to the start.


Its like fragile pieces of her which I hold in my arms and try to put em in right place
and I promise I wont let them fall apart again...I will keep em safe in me...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

days spin..

BANG!


manzil ke kareeb pohnch kar rasta bhool jana
apne hi pao ke nishano mein ulajh jana

zindagi hai aik musalsal azaab
kuch din ansoo bahana kuch din sabr krna

Well words dont really convey the intensity of emotions
and I am hollow inside
I stare at her words
there is nothing which can be done
welcome to reality here the pain continues.....and just continues...days spin...reality begins
tears fall
holding on lets me down
floating in time...
days spin..

Thursday, September 6, 2007

slight tingling

meri rahaton ka pata tum
mere aaebo ko jou dhak de woh pak si rida tum

Meri samjh mein khushion aur gham ka hisaab kabhi nahi hai
khushian ajeeb hoti hai...hamesha qiston mein milti hai na ke ghum ki tarah jou aik hi bar jama hou kr soud ke sath humein mil jata hai...
khushian aesi hain jese kisi sahara mein chand boondain barish ki
aese jese kisi tareek raat mein tesri ke chand ki halki halki roshni
aese jese chilchilati dhoop mein halki si thandi narmahat
khushian ajeeb hoti hai
apne sath aur apne peeche aik kasak chor jati hai

A slight tingling
small pauses in talks of knowing the reality
those dots....
true smiles but holding shades of longing
peace setting in yet not completely

I have got everything still i yearn for you....thats real life...but I am happy :)

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I am not what I look like

blue garb is back to life
walking through the corridors
she puts on her daily facade
laughing out her hollow roots
living under a mask of smiles
missing the good old times
hurting after every second of laughter
she continues to be what she really isn't
....

Saturday, August 25, 2007

26th August 2006

And I was losing hope..
I was choking on my own breathe
and was thinking of different ways to kill myself when God suddenly looked at me and gave me a gift
I wiped my tears and looked towards God baffled...He spoke to me
This is your gift
Your redemption of every sorrow you have ever felt
Your comfort for all those restless nights when you wished not to feel alone
Your care-taker for all those times when people pushed you away and you needed only a little consideration
The missing part of your soul which you always yearned for
The understanding which you used to consider unreal
Your miracle in which you had lost your faith
she is your gift...completion to your being:)
yes its been one year now and I have earned so much this year that I cant even begin to thank my God..AllahYou gave me the best gift!
everything seems worthwhile now
thanks yara for your love,care and patience for me
Without you I can't even imagine my life now because I dont ever want to get back to what I used to be..
I love everything about you
from your locks of hair under ur ears to your genuine smile
from the white glow of your feet to the understanding looks
from the deepness of your eyes to the gentle touch of your hand
from the beauty of your face to the purity and angelic nature of your soul
My understanding and love pills will be working for you always...I have got a lifetime supply for you :)
love you yara
seriously you told me the true meaning of friendship and what it is to love someone unconditionally:)
*HUGS*

Thursday, August 23, 2007

disappear

Can I just disappear for a while?...
Will you let me be invisible when I want to hide away?
Or this time too..it will be your will...your desire..your options...YOU?

Heart is stupid
It hopes
clings to hope
and then hurts..
fucking hurts..

You are the one to blame
But heart is stupid
It takes blame on itself


and the only one keeping me sane...I need you....hate anger & helplessness filling up...
I love you so much....
sigh....

It IS hurting...


Hoobastank--disappear
There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace
Of the person
The person that I need

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

Can you make them disappear
Make them disappear,

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Gonna search through every face
Without a single trace
Of the person
The person that I need

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Listening to "iris" today I thought and wished I could tell you who I am...
I wished you could see the pain in my eyes and the changing expression of my face..
Instead of grumbling about what you think and that only you are right
You could hear what I am silently screaming at you to stop it for just once stop doing it...only once you could get the message behind my cold words..

But I know that how I am invisible to you and this reality can't be changed..

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

there is a sadness in her smile...not the one which was always there but something different this time
there is fear behind her talks
fear of unknown
fear of knowing.....and knowing the reality as much as it can choke and make you go numb after feeling it...
We share souls
Its the fear of fallbacks
tears of longing...


Life is a bittersweet...forcing to accept the present
giving the orders "stay strong or I will crush you..."
Its insanely perfect
everything will be ok..
It will but
the hurt will be there....You can stay strong,be alive,fulfill all your responsibilities but you can't help feel sadness in times of silence..
when there will be darkness of night...
moon will be shining its white light...
and thoughts will set in...
nights when you will be confused
whether to feel happy for the memories
or to have the feeling of missing

Missing will win most of the time
thats the biggest fear..

Saturday, August 11, 2007

just a week...


I guess the picture speaks itself I dont have to say anything to further explain it.
*silence*

Friday, August 10, 2007

peaceful for some time just feel safe secure
without any nightmares
no racing heartbeats
no chases
no fears
no shivering
no longing
just peace....

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Thursday, August 2, 2007

:)

Still after rough times a But remains to make it all ok..

But the twinkle of her sad eyes....

The innocence of her smile....

The serene calming words....

The gentle touch in my hair....

The understanding look of her deep-set eyes....

Everything about her is mesmerizing....

yet she thinks she is nobody
But her presence is the only thing making me feel complete....

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Ugh
Time is flying
august is here
8 days to go
and 22 days to go

here are some qoutes and lyrics stuff from http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D394109

We are all just waiting for someone to save us.. someone to say they care enough to hold us up when we're falling down. Someone to wipe the tears from our eyes. Someone to notice us when we start to blend in.

You're one of the only things that keeps me strong throughout the day, that keeps me strong when the happiness starts to fade away..

No matter how hard we try to ignore it or try to deny it eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth-- it hurts. So, we lie.
-Grey's Anatomy

I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there memories. Good or bad will bring tears and words can never replace feelings. But it's times like these when you have to tell yourself everything's alright.

Don't tell me how life is
Cause I really don't want to know
Don't tell me how this game ends
Cause we'll just see how it goes
3 Doors Down

Monday, July 30, 2007

ilu :)





its such a beautiful feeling to see you smile and chirp :)

a peaceful feeling... :)

I wish and pray that I get to see you like this FOREVER!!

luv ya!:)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

shrads

And these are the days
when
i open my eyes from sleep and first thought is "Shit another day like yesterday!"
and these are the days
when I wish I wasnt me
when I long to be strong
when I want to belong somewhere else....

and days
when every slightest thing makes me sad
every other song I hear bring back so many memories and I long for good times
and every memory is like a piece of shrad cutting me into pieces
and days when I am afraid
and when I dont want to move on....and when I want you to stay here forever....

screw it!

*heartache*

read it somewhere


life is unfair get used to it..

I wish getting "used to" was that easy....all my life I had been trying to get "used to"
But it seems like the most difficult job....it doesnt matter if anybody agrees with me or not
but life is unfair...

Monday, July 16, 2007

tagged by raaaji
thnx :)

Three things I cant do:
1.Sleep whenever I want to...ya my sleep is very very moody!
2.control my tears...yes I cry A LOT.
3.drive a car...i really want to learn it.


Three things I can do:
1.I can stop eating for a whole day and without complaining..hehehe my stomach is in my control
2.give gud lectures..ask aina:p
3.make sketches:D something m gud at:p

Three things that scare me:
1.death of my loved ones
2.stairs...:$
3.lizards....again..:$


Three things I love:
1.my cell phone :D
2.my sketchbook
3.all the cards I ever got :)


Three things I hate:
1.lies
2.people judging you
3.sorrys which arent truly meant

Three people I tag:

1.Aina

2.komal

3.timsal



With you shinning like a star in my life

I can see beyond this darkness... :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

For just now I am living this moment... :)
a redemption...=)
and your cute simple words always there to move me so much and make me have happy tears :)


this goes to YOU my moti :P
thnx zainab for the song...Muah :D

Everything--lifehouse


Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
(Ahh Yeahhh)

You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper, now

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything...

When how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Oh And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better any better than this


And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this...

Sunday, July 8, 2007


Right now I want to go on a long drive in rain....

nestle down in a cozy seat

listening to soft melodies

forgetting all the sorrows

all the heartaches just disappearing for few moments

smiling

smiling with peace setting in my soul....







picture credits:http://lolitam10m.deviantart.com/

Friday, July 6, 2007




and I want to hug you tight
and I want to take away all the pain and hurt
I want to absorb every hurting word said to you, like a sponge
and I want to stroke your hair and make you feel safe and secure
I want to give you happiness with a tag of a beatiful true smile on it
.

.
and I want SO much for you =)

.

.
and I wish life wasnt this complicated...

Thursday, July 5, 2007

I am hurt
my heart bleeds
I am choking on my every breath
tears just wont stop falling
everything seems dark
all I want is to be heard
.
.
.
but does it really matters??.....

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Kuch dukh aapke dil ke bhaut kareeb hote hai
bhaut zyada apne hote hain
.
.
.
aese dukh jinn ke barein mein kuch kaha nahi jata
jinn ki koi mesihai nahi kar sakta
.
.
.
bus sari zindagi
aik halki si chubhan ko mehsoos kia jata hai...

Monday, July 2, 2007

find her tears in the rain....

listen to her words in the deafening noise....

search for her flickering smile in the laughters....
You wont ever judge her then....

Sunday, July 1, 2007


I will pretend perfectly

I will show you I am ok

I will give you the silent treatment

You wont see one more tear

You wont hear one more word from me

I will hide away all my anger

All my hatred

and everything will just seem al right

You wont get a single hint

Yet time will tell you later

what you have lost and what you will be longing for

soon it wont be same

soon I wont be here...

Saturday, June 30, 2007

=)

aik tou meri moti ko kuch samjhana ho.....
ufffff
meri khoti!!!
she wud hav eaten herself!!! n then the cute hmmmm han.....yeh tou hai.... :P
n ur presence makes those lectures come out kissi aur ke leye nahi atte bahir :P

:@

:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@
:@@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Come to me, and I'll show you a world
With purple skies and amber rain;

A world with us and no one else,
No tears, no sorrow, no pain.

A world where you will be the moon,
And the sun that lights my sky;

A world where the winds will sing to us,
When in the evening we shall sip chai.

A world where you and I will dance,
And sing to each other, songs of love;

A world in which I'll feed you cake,
And oranges too, there'll be plenty of.

A world where you will smile, and I
Will hold that moment forever;

A world where we shall stop time,
And yet, grow old togethor.

A world with fancy mirrors in our bedroom,
And a castle oh-so-grand;

A world where there will be dark alleys,
Where you'd ask me to hold your hand.

So come to me, and I'll show you a world
With purple skies and amber rain;

A world where I will love you forever,
And give you no sorrow and no pain
Credits:http://www.sabbakwaashai.blogspot.com/

Saturday, June 23, 2007

The whole world seems like crashing on you....breathing gets difficult...standing at the edge looking at your life fall apart in front of you and You are just as helpless as you can ever be...things dear to you being taken away...sadness turning into fury...fury eating your own flesh...desire to burn....sadness sadness sadness....numb numb numb....tears.....desire desire fucking desire...blank...duality two persons....real....confusion....fallbacks.....people changing...expectations....failure....illusions....flashbacks...past is present....shadows covering the future....fucking want you to shut up!!!!
fears.....fucking scary fears FEARS!!!!!!
..................................................................................
............................................
.......
and You can blame me for everything I have got no excuses no explanations
and I can be as invisible as you have always made me feel
I just wish nobody goes through this emotion
this emotion I had always been telling
to see everything happening right in front of your eyes
and standing there
blank eyes
.......
You may not get it
what I am trying to say
but
this feeling
this fucking feeling
once you imagine my pain
you wont be able to look into my eyes and question about my acts

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

TAG TIME =)

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.?
one on my arm....from the cage of my pigeons.


2. What does your phone look like?
Black


3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Right now its my A levels colorful datesheet aina made :)


4. What is your current desktop picture?
few fallen orange leaves

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
nope


6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Hug aina really tight!


7. What time were you born?
1 45pm


8. Are your parents still together?
ya


9. Last person who made you cry?
Myself


10. What is you favourite perfume/cologne?
I dont have one favourite


11. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like in the opposite sex?
votever who cares...


12. What are you listening to?
linkin park-Bleed it out

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Ya

14. Do you like pain killers?
No

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Votever not my question

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
icecream cake


17. Who was the last person you made mad?
My mother

18. Is anyone in love with you?
No not it tat sense (Thanks God no1 is :p)


I tag everyone reading it!
living two extremes
bursting into laughter yet tears fighting to escape the bonds placed on them...
How does it feels to live this way?.....

Sunday, June 17, 2007

=)


Happy Birthday Begum Dost:P:P

LuuUUUUuuuuVVVVV UUUU!!!!!!



HUGS

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I have lost my words
I have lost my thoughts
I have lost the control
heart sinks
pain rises
tears roll down
fears get faces
lies surround
life goes on....


Lifehouse--Blind
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried
.
.
.
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing the floor.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Aina =)


A hug that can make every pain go away

words that I always wanted to hear

care that makes me feel blessed

Someone whose presence makes this world a better place to live

someone who is YOU!

brightening my smile

making me feel better

healing me from all this sorrow

=)



Celine dion--Because You Loved Me
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love i found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand i could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and i stood tall
I had your love i had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe i don't know that much
But i know this much is true
I was blessed because i was loved by you

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak

You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

Friday, June 8, 2007

I wish life was just one cup of coffee
dark
bitter
scorching
I could just drink it in one big sip and end it immediately!

last day while talking to aina she told me this quote
......I dont blame you for anything and I forgive you for everything.......
and I could feel these words are for me I dont have to blame you for anything.
You were right too and I was hurt too.... it wasnt your fault ...nobodys fault.
I understand your position ,you might had your reasons and I had mine....
.
.
.
though the wreckage and the loss is beyond any redemption
but still its ok...with time you learn to live with the scars and wounds of soul...

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Your love will be your defeat
My hatred will be my power
One day you will find yourself drenched,
In the acid rain's shower
The rain of lies
The rain of my unheard cries
Each droplet will be screaming my words
One day you will realise
My hatred for myself will speak against you
There will be no blames
Yet there will be a bitter realisation
Just mere realisation......

Friday, May 18, 2007

AAgayi interview call!!!!!
CONGRATS YARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
InshAllah U will do great and be there at AKU to show ur sweetness
but hey I wont let anyone share the sweetness on which I have got complete rights OK? u know ur massi gets really mad:P
luuuuvvvvv uuu yara!!!
Aina tou gayi
now u pack ur bags n then jugi too....
M gonna MISS u guys infact miss seems a VERY small word :(
tc....

Thursday, May 17, 2007

And you know when green is fading away.....I just sit and smile
A smile holding so many meanings so much pain....


hoping to get some more time.....few days....holding on to it.....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

In the darkness of this evening I saw those tears in your eyes.....
and we both knew how it felt...we are silent just silent ....
.
.
.
.
you know those times when nothing is left to be said when nothing is there to be changed when every hope every dream is eaten by the patience and the compromises and you are not bothered anymore....just silent.
I know the bitter realities of my life and I fucking know them very well...!
..........these trials of life they are not going to end very easily for me and I know my life much better than anyone else knows....you may try to give me hope tell me I have got a better future but where I live its not going to be THAT easy.....
.
.
.
.
I am thankful I am happy.....
votever....
listening to ali azmat's terian perchaian
dil ko yun apne jalate rahe
sapney bhi humko dikhate rahe
jiya na jaye tumhare bina
beqarar karne lagi hai
beqarari barhti hi jaye
sunta raha
kuch na kaha
jo dil mein tha
.
.
.
.
teraian mein teri parchaian....


Missing everybody... :(
Good luck everyone!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Sorry
A five letter word....seems more like useless to me
It only means when you decide to change and wont do it ever again
and sometimes its also true that the person being sorry is not the one who should be sorry....
after every apology you are thrown into the confusion
your insight of reality tells you not the xpect
while you do want to begin it all over again
....being in this confusion hurts
life is complicated....

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Congrats Aina :)
hey lums ppl r going to meet our angel now!

luuvvv uuu!!!!!!
xoxoxox

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

People my Aina isnt using net these days
so I feel lonely and lost here....
I will post very less
writing in my diary which Aina can read :)

Friday, April 27, 2007

This is wat Aina has to say about farewell :) luuuvvv uuu grl!!!!!
Farewell
21st April’ 07
Saturday

The event that I had been waiting for ages…but as the date approached, I didn’t want to go…for many reasons…first of all coz it would be the official goodbye to a levels and second of all, coz I didn’t want to get ready and other reasons that won’t make any sense to you all so let’s just move on…:p
Okay so let’s take it from the beginning…I was supposed to do the thank you speech which aliza helped me get out of coz I didn’t have energy to make a stage appearance…and being a sweet heart that liz is, I didn’t have to do it and yea also coz timsal stepped up and took the job on his shoulders :)
And now the preparations…at first I thought A1 won’t “fare us well” but then I saw the function take it its toll on everyone and I saw my liz giving it to the fullest coz of us, I mean me, jugi and tim.
So a day before the farewell, ilu and I sat on the bed talking out the routine that we would follow :p alina had to come dress me up as everyone knows I have no fashion sense but what a bummer when she told me she had a test and she wouldn’t be able to make it and what was worse was that liz was supposed to be at skool early so I thought no-looking good on this function! The very first being my stupid hair style! The girl at the parlor cut me bangs!...bangs!!!!!...i hate bangs!!!...and I couldn’t even do anything about it coz my head was bowed down and when she was done she was like: “I have cut you bangs, they would look good on you” and I felt like shouting: “I told u…nothing ABOVE my ears!!!” but as everyone knows, I can’t be angry especially not at people like that. I mean she was all chirpy and talkative….so what was the point in shouting at her right? And as I was sitting there having a haircut, guess whose voices I hear??...the beaconities!!!...so that spoiled my mood, I don’t really know why but it did…
Anyway I came home, got dressed up…all by myself :) but when ilu came she pointed out everything I had done wrong…I was made to put on the liner again :p…and was told how to push back my hair without making my forehead look so big!...
And then everyone started coming but not one person came on time!...and I called up everyone else and as it turned out, everybody was planning to be tardy so we all took off…that is, jugi, zonia, khaji, marium and aqsa. Met ayesha and filza at the skool…
And now the farewell!!!
I loved the backdrop!!!...
Everyone looked good :)
Liz u were looking hot ;)
And jugi u exaggerate a lot, I’m never buying your words again!....anyway you looked pretty as always :)
Timi bhai, it was the best you have looked in all functions!
And now about the other people, aqsa’s dressing came as a shock to me, even though she kept asking me: “aina over tou nhi hai”…I kept lying :$
I know I have NO right to pass on comments like that especially being the way I’m but I wanna :p have to keep it as a record. And from the beaconities, I liked only hira’s saree…bicharay, all of them looked so uncomfortable! From A1, other than lizzie, I liked how Zainab Abbas looked…anyway a lot of hooting and comments were passed during the whole function…! A1 boys crossed the line by pointing out things related to looks and stuff…and all that sohaib and saad’s baistee, it was very stupid and most importantly, not at all funny!...so as I was informed later, a lot of phadays took place and in JH history it was the first time, a function went this late!...I left at eleven but I was informed that it went up till 11:30….so as it ended, I had a dizzy head…the same feeling took over that I get after every function…hated the way I looked…nobody comment on this please!...and well at the end of it all, I was numb…not coz I didn’t carry any feelings…I don’t really know why…anyway it ended…ended good…lizzie ap chah gai compering mein :) and tim again, speech alla thi….aur bas…I guess that’s all…I was bummed coz nobody came to my house after the farewell, as we had planned coz it was very “late” and we are “girls”…they are not supposed to be out that late…*making faces*
Then the best part, KFC!!! And drinking coke after more than 2 months!!! :D and now that I have had the taste, I have gone nuts over it…sorry guys, the coke-quitting has ended…I can’t take it anymore!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Some wounds are still left to be healed
some scars are still cut open
Pain is still left somewhere inside
Mistakes are still committed
Lies are still manipulated into truth
Some losses still need redemption

Tuesday, April 24, 2007




If God answer's your prayers,He's increasing your faith.

If God delays, He's increasing your patience.

If He doesn't answer, He knows you can handle...

I know with His support I am going to handle it.....

Sunday, April 22, 2007

wen I am saying I want to wipe off my existence I mean it in literal sense.....I hate my being that I get disgusted by it feel like chopping off the parts I loathe
part of me which is always sad
part of me jealous
part of me afraid
I just want to disappear without anyone noticing....just disappear as if I never existed
Its a feeling that I dont want to die I just dont know how to xplain it....I want to run away from this place
Its not like I dont love people around me
I love them more than words can ever tell
but I am a kind of person whose absence would make a difference for a month or two and then evrything will be ok so its not like that I will leave back a big hollow emptiness behind....I am not saying that I am not loved
I have got bestest people of the world as my besties
ugh I am so bad at explaining myself.....
I never succeed in this thing
and right now I am numb....just had the very "usual" day of my life.....I wonder when this usual thing will change for me
maybe never :S
right now listening to junaid jamshed's awesome voice
zara badal kia chaheye
zara mausam kia badla
nazar sey rasta hi kho gaya
kabhi socha jo na tha woh hogaya
yeh tou hua
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
raha humein tou unka khayal
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
talking to aina on msg
n waiting if timsal bothers to reply:p
smelling the chicken being cooked in kitchen by amma and thinking about my lost apetite then :P
its been after a long time I am making such a post and dont know why I am in mood of talking endlessly to someone about evrything.....but kher I get this feeling quite often so I know how to control it...


palat key jo dekha ankhein hui num
aya nazar jab adhoora sa jeevan---song changed

I have heard someone saying
jin khwaishat ki takmeel na hosake unhein kuchaal do
per
aab tou yeh haal hai key jaiz khwaishat bhi najaiz lagne lag gayi hai
hansi ati hai apne aap pey kese aaram se mein ne yeh sab kuch hone dia aur bus khamosh rahi.....

toote toote vaade
toote toote vaade
dhunde waqt key naram saaye
kal bhi tha khander
aab bhi hai veeran
kal bhi the khander
aab bhi hai veeran
mange hai jeevan pal bhar sahahra

ya its too much silence in my room only the voice of junaid jamshed echoing and me relating to it.....
again msged timsal so tat he replies
but that chaval banda wont so lets just dont wait for his reply
from tomorrow skool again
but this is not going to be the same again
just few days more and it wont be same EVER again
life can get so cruel sometimes
and its just TOO difficult to move on
the thoughts are just to maddening and scary that I am freaking out myself

Now I shud end this pointless post
plz if you want to lecture me dont comment cuz I am already sick
CRASH AND BURN----SAVAGE GARDEN

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
so today was the farewell
everything turned out to be fine ....after work of all the days I am glad evrything went good :)
Got to see people in totally different yet awesome ways
beginning with aina
choori you were luking so pretty with the new hairstyle and the copper colour was looking nice on you thanks God no black this time ....

komal ahh...you were looking so cute seriously white suits you

and timsal dude you were just awesome and I thought why dont i hav a crush on this banda ....itna acha lag raha hai :P :P :P :P

cuming to the items
I loved the A-2 ki khaani
and I also liked the parody of beaconities though they all were whinning abt it and called me a traitor tat aina ki bezti nahi ki ulta usse gift dey dia....but ppl behan ke hone ka kuch tou fayada ho ...how cud I hav allowed them to beztify my aina

And I worked A LOT they gave all the back stage work to me and I cudnt sit for a wile and enjoy the performances but still it was fun :D
and affan ki acting in JH idol tat was HILARIOUS!!!!
My comparing was quite good
Aina said I looked hot:p
jugi said I looked hot :P
ilu said the same
and timsal has not replied yet
kher....
I am so happy tat i gave the titles to my besties....they are gona remember that their journey ended with jh with me standing at the end to say good bye to all of you :)
and as I was anticipating tat i wud get sad and cry
I am not sad
I am happy for all of you
you r stepping forward in your lives and I would love to see all of you in prestigious universities and having success
my prayers and my unflinching support will always be with you
ending with these lyrics We dedicated to A-2 :)





"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.