Sunday, April 22, 2007

wen I am saying I want to wipe off my existence I mean it in literal sense.....I hate my being that I get disgusted by it feel like chopping off the parts I loathe
part of me which is always sad
part of me jealous
part of me afraid
I just want to disappear without anyone noticing....just disappear as if I never existed
Its a feeling that I dont want to die I just dont know how to xplain it....I want to run away from this place
Its not like I dont love people around me
I love them more than words can ever tell
but I am a kind of person whose absence would make a difference for a month or two and then evrything will be ok so its not like that I will leave back a big hollow emptiness behind....I am not saying that I am not loved
I have got bestest people of the world as my besties
ugh I am so bad at explaining myself.....
I never succeed in this thing
and right now I am numb....just had the very "usual" day of my life.....I wonder when this usual thing will change for me
maybe never :S
right now listening to junaid jamshed's awesome voice
zara badal kia chaheye
zara mausam kia badla
nazar sey rasta hi kho gaya
kabhi socha jo na tha woh hogaya
yeh tou hua
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
raha humein tou unka khayal
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
talking to aina on msg
n waiting if timsal bothers to reply:p
smelling the chicken being cooked in kitchen by amma and thinking about my lost apetite then :P
its been after a long time I am making such a post and dont know why I am in mood of talking endlessly to someone about evrything.....but kher I get this feeling quite often so I know how to control it...

palat key jo dekha ankhein hui num
aya nazar jab adhoora sa jeevan---song changed

I have heard someone saying
jin khwaishat ki takmeel na hosake unhein kuchaal do
aab tou yeh haal hai key jaiz khwaishat bhi najaiz lagne lag gayi hai
hansi ati hai apne aap pey kese aaram se mein ne yeh sab kuch hone dia aur bus khamosh rahi.....

toote toote vaade
toote toote vaade
dhunde waqt key naram saaye
kal bhi tha khander
aab bhi hai veeran
kal bhi the khander
aab bhi hai veeran
mange hai jeevan pal bhar sahahra

ya its too much silence in my room only the voice of junaid jamshed echoing and me relating to it.....
again msged timsal so tat he replies
but that chaval banda wont so lets just dont wait for his reply
from tomorrow skool again
but this is not going to be the same again
just few days more and it wont be same EVER again
life can get so cruel sometimes
and its just TOO difficult to move on
the thoughts are just to maddening and scary that I am freaking out myself

Now I shud end this pointless post
plz if you want to lecture me dont comment cuz I am already sick

1 comment:

An ILLuS|On said...

Try enjoying most out of this time when you know its ain't going to come back..make the most of it cause thats what i did when i was in college:)
PS: i hope this doesn't comes in the category of lecture:)