leap

So here I am trying to grip on the writing once I loved to do. I am going through such a weird phase of my life and its funny because it doesn't feel like that I am living my own life. It is quite good believe me it is quite better than what it was but you know that darkest black fear sits in the corner of your heart and comes out in the silent moments when no one notices and lurks around me,sneering telling me I can't possibly make a safe escape from this life. Dread , anticipation it sits right next to me all the time. I need to do a lot of things and I am working on this part. I want to jump ten years from now and see what's there in store for me whether I am even here or not.

Pipeline

You know when you keep running and running spinning in circles. Its been too long for me now, more like this is what I have actually become. In the long run I have given up a lot and side by side learned hell of new things. I have learned how it feels to have your heart filled with so much peace that it is hard for you to believe whether you are living a dream or a reality. But then reality hits you telling like a chronic illness that I am still here you can take a break to have a breath but I am still here. I close my eyes lay down and try to stop all the thoughts and live in the moment I guess if you keep on doing this you become a pro at it..Is it the right way to live your life? I used to be realistic but then that did make me sad a lot more often..Is it going to hit really hard when I wake up? How do you give up so easily when you could have it? Is the right always wrong or the wrong seems right? Heart has its on alibis and its own words which no one can understand.I have screwed many things which I might not ever be able to fix but were they meant to be fixed? Was it worth it? I might have let things pass unheard I might have things which needed my emotion to put into it but still the question remains. Maybe that's how we humans are made,full of questions. Always short on answers. anyways.