Monday, March 12, 2007

Yun hota tou kia hota....?


Yun hota tou kia hota....
Na mere jism per yeh zakhm hote
na mere ankhon mein yeh jaalan hoti
na mere ander dard ki andhian chalti
na mere ehsaas marte.....
Yun hota tou kia hota.....
We spent most of our life thinking how things cud have been How things shud be.....but nothing works our way haina?
but why stop dreaming at least you feel alive thinking hoping waiting
When everything gets too miserable for us we start waiting for miracles and may be miracles do happen but dont you think this wait thing gets tooo long?
Well I am here making a quite pointless post its nothing related to my present state of my mind
right now my head aches like anything because of well you know what happened today
Sometimes I do think I dont deserve it.
I know I am not the perfect person I have done a lot of crap to people in my life
but still sometimes its just too much to take it
but then everyone says I am strong I can come out of it and all this kind of stuff
this makes me think ke han shayad I am just overreacting but still I need a break really I do need it I need some peace of mind so that I can study
the name of stupid enzymes the laws of physics the reactions of chemistry dont make sense I just skim through pages and at the end I am left with nothing else just the noise and headaches
I really need a break!
time has been so brutual to me I need just some time to heal but NO i m forced to do all the energy and concentration requiring stuff......
I need something more than myself this time...... I really do
today I felt so much hatred towards myself I cant even xplain in words how it feels!
a part of you is feeling so much satisfied and the other part is being cut into slices!
ugh!
I am sick of being strong and pretending so much
all those fake laughters and giggles burn me
I am afraid of myself.
I really want to change but I know I wont be able to do it I am not determined and to tell you the truth is I am not strong If i wud have been strong I wud have changed myself I wud have overcomed my weaknesses but I dint.
ok now lets just end this pointless post :P

4 comments:

Lasmit said...

This proves it...
wen one is really emotional....
than he/she can rite alaaaaaa!!!!
and this was alaaaaaa:D:D:D:D

aur yaar i dont know wat to say...
seriously words bhi itnay fazool lagtay hain ab to.......

I know ur gonna curse me for this....but i hate myself for being soo helpless and provding u with nothing.....I wanna giv u support....

REAL support.....as in come to u an hug u and talk all day with u....just to see u smile cuz thats wat i really want....
and yaar u said smthng that moved me soo much....
this wait really does seem too long...and i dont wanna sound even more pesimistic...but people wait all there lives...and still they get nothing and...then they leav the world...empty handed and hearted.......
but im sure....ull get wat u want...and itl be here in this world...INSHALLAH...a BIG reward
aur yaar i pray that ALLAH gives u ur break...one in which u can recollect..fully...and return to the joyus and alaa U!...
but...i wonder sometimes...wen ALLAH mian will decide the time is right.....

BUT till then im willing to work my butt of(lol aina i do say that alot)
to make u happy:D:D:D:D
SOO HUGS BACHA!!!!!!!!!
and
P.S: I cant bring to my mind the ideology that u cud of done shit to alot of people....IMPOSSIBLE....not buying it so dont even open ur mouth....:P

HUGS!

lasmit said...

kitna fit comment hai....
*bravo bravo*
*patting myself on the shoulder*
:P:P

silent screams said...

yea tats one hell of a comment...
and im sorry liz
i kinda feel tat i ahve been selfish lately...
anyway i rly wish i cud do sth abt all this....
it dsnt feel good to see u like this....
tight huggies...
and now let me mail u...
i wana talk sooo much...lakin pata nhi kia ho jata hai...*sigh*

Lunatic.... said...

thank you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am nothing widout you seriously!!!