lingers around..

Update: going through an indifferent phase...things don't really matter and nothing seems to be certain and sure

till then some quotes are here as usual stolen from Lost Quotes:

I'll tell you flat out

It hurts so much to think of this

So from my thoughts I will exclude

The very thing that I hate more than everything is

The way I'm powerless

To dictate my own moods

-Relient K

I've thrown away

So many things that could've been much more

And I just pray

My problems go away if they're ignored

But that's not the way it works

-Relient K

and there are times when you have thought about something so much that there is nothing left to feel for it..you just stare in the hollowness and feel that it exists..it exists very prominently in your life no matter how many smiles you fake,no matter how many tears you hide,no matter how many words you bury away..it exists right there clinging to you like a shadow never leaving never fading...where ever you go wherever you hide away..it exists with you..lingering with you right there..like you are haunted by the demon for your rest of your life..like fear rests in nook and corners of our minds..like the voice of our head..it exists..it camoflauges itself in anger,hatred,pain,hurt,sadness etc but in one form or another it stays there...I dont believe that ignoring it ends it..its like by ignoring it you try to stop for a while and take a breath and then again continue feeling the hollowness..-ME

votever

LAST:
1. last beverage-Tea
2. last phone call- Aina
3. last instant message- Aina!
4. last cd played-oh long time ago dont even remember!
5. last time you cried-emm..an hour or two ago
6. last text message received -G nahi me not gona beat you n I love you bohat(aina hehe)

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. dated someone twice- No
2. been cheated on- Never been in a relationship…so obviously I havent….
3. kissed someone & regretted it-Nope
4. lost someone special-em maybe
6. been drunk and threw up- no!!

LIST FOUR FAVOIRITE COLOURS:
1. Blue
2. Green
3. Black
4.tea pink

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend:No
2. Fallen out of love: Never been in love so no i havent!* saying my thnx to God I am not in such sickness of love*
3. Laughed until you cried:no not this month
4. Met someone who changed your life:lol if saying meeting someone who has already changed your life then yes :)
5. Found out who your true friends are:I already know!
6. Is there something you want to tell someone: oh yes I do!! most of them wud be a vent out!
7. Have you kissed anyone on your friend’s list- xcuse me!I dont like such stupid questions!
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life- 6 i have total 8 contacts! yup i am an anti-social bandi!
9. How many kids do you want to have-I wil adopt two!
10. Do you have any pets: emm yes two goats :S
11. Do you want to change your name: hell no I love it!
12. What did you do for your last birthday:nothing! i sulked at my home
13. What time did you wake up today:10 am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night:chatting with aina and illusion
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for: for aina to have great great success and she gets to believe in herself once again!
16. Last time you saw your father:few mins ago when he was trying to fix the printer
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:Nothing i wud say! I am happy with it cuz watsoever it was..it was all worth it:)
18. What are you listening to right now :azaan horahi hai
19. Have you ever talked to Tom: hain kon??
23. Who’s getting on your nerves right now:this tag:P.
24. Most visited webpage:my own blog

001. Whats your real name:Aliza azhar
002. Nicknames:lizzie..liz..liz piz..pinky..lizzu and everything u can make out of aliza:P
005. Male or Female:Female
006. Elementary-St.Mary convent is this the right spellings:S
007. Middle School- The Public
008. Highschool- Jinnah Highs, Multan
010. Hair colour- reddish brown
011. Long or short- in between long and short:P
015. Are you health freak-hell no!!
016. Height-5'6
017. Do you have a crush on someone:nope
019. Piercings:yup ear piercing
20. Tattoos: Nope
021. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :
022. First surgery:none yet
023. First piercing-just ear piercing
024. First best friend:madiha
025. First award:well i think it is in two class in which i stud 2nd throughtout the year hehe
026. First sport you joined-badminton
027. First pet-i dont xactly remember but it has to be a cat:P
028. First vacation-I dont remember! maybe lahore
029. First concert-i again dont remember wat the hell i hate these firsts!!!
030. First crush-i think it was some celebrity which again i dont remember :S

CURRENTLY
049. Eating-nothing
050. Drinking- Nothing
052. I’m about to- have lunch
053. Listening to- commentry of match
055. Waiting for: aina

YOUR FUTURE :
058. Want kids?adopted ones!!
059. Want to get married? NOOO suicide is a better option!
060. Careers in mind?Medicine

…WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
068. Lips or eyes:yrrgh..i think Eyes.
069. Hugs or kisses:None!070. Shorter or taller:taller*yawn*
072. Romantic or spontaneous:wat the hell(timsal i m hating this tag now:@)
073. Nice stomach or nice arms:@
074. Sensitive or loud:I dont care!!
075. Hook-up or relationship: kia musibat hai!!
077. Trouble maker or hesitant:I want him to be a dead one!!

HAVE YOU EVER :
078. Kissed a stranger: No!
080. Lost glasses/contacts:no i dont use any!
081. Ran away from home:no
084. Broken someone’s heart:yup
085. Been arrested: Heck no!
086. Turned someone down: hain??
087. Cried when someone died: Yup
088. Liked a guy:kia hai azab!!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself:to some extent yes
090. Miracles: YES :D:D
091. Love at first sight:NO i dont believe in any type of such crappy love!
092. Heaven: YES:D
093. Santa Claus: no!!
095. Kiss on the first date:NO!!
096. Angels:YES:D

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?ya :)
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: nahi nahi nahi nahi nahi!!!
099. Do you believe in God?: nowadays I am His angry believer :$
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?JI nahi its a stupid tag!

blah blah blah lol!

somebody shud tell me to shut up I have started talking ALOT!! Seems like I am always high on sugar:p

somebody tell me to shut up bhuat bolti hun chatar patar lagi hoti hai meri!!!

I feel stranger to myself :P I was such a quiet tameez wali hehe but now :P I should tell myself to calm down and reduce my battery which is highly charged nowadays:P

There is a hole inside this cover
this is the tinge of black in this purity
and then the thoughts pour in and tear you apart
and then the silence engulfs you and brings out the screams


This is the emptiness filling up the mind

fly away

free.....
fall..
fall..
fall..

Matchbox 20-Soul

Hang out my window and over your head
Stare at your feelings to see where they end
Youre waiting here for someone else to
break you from the inside
Youve been so composed

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause youve got soul

Youre so heavy, youre so misunderstood
And I spent all my wishes wishing times were good
When I still could
Wait around here for someone else to take me past the good side
Youve been here so longer

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause darling, youve got so much soul
Darling, youve got so much soul

flow

FMORT-Five minutes of random thoughts
Raaji you did a great job in filling this tag my turn now

well I am filling up this tag and seems the hardest job to me, maybe I am just afraid of my words...very much indeed I always think after speaking and then face its music
aur kia my head aches and my arm too..what am I thinking right now?? I need to find some answers..I need to find my faith back and that desire and hope in praying..I am drifting away from dont know what to dont know where..I desperately need my faith back to cling onto it and fool myself again n again..and i am feeling somhow lil guilty to be indifferent..I feel I am turning a bit selfish I know you will justify me as you always do but whatsoever it is I have always believed that treat people like you want yourself to be treated..now that I am not a sugar-pie anymore so its a lil weird for me..now i m thinking whether its appropriate to write it here or not..well just forget it be random because we are all afraid of our own secrets
we all are afraid of them
we all are afraid of being judged..once you open your secret it doesnt belong to you it becomes a public property
I m too possessive and obssessive somhow maybe its not good to have these traits life becomes a little difficult
and aur kia I have wet hair water dripping here and there and uff itni disturbances hain around me :@ its making me angry
v v angry I just better shut up!!
now peeno showing me some socks that whether they are to be washed or not..I shud have chosen some better time to write it
I tag Aina illusions sadia
\/

The calling-Anything

You know if this earth should crack
I'll be your solid ground
I will be there to catch you when you fall down

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember december
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you’re gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
(dont know whose lyrics are these)


I wana make my love for you the only thing you care about
My care the only thing that matters to you
And give you happiness that can overcome everything else..

TAG TIME

1.Name one person that made you laugh last night? Aina

2.What are you doing at 8:00?emm watching tv or studyin

3.What were you doing 30 minutes ago? eating

4. What happened to you in 2006?Aina turned into my bestie

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? han ye lou

6. How many beverages did you have today? Pepsi two times

7. What color is your hairbrush? two both of navy blue colour

8. What was the last thing you paid for? Food.

9. Where were you last night?In ama's room

10. What color is your front door?Dark brown

12. What’s the weather like today? i dint get the question

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? vanilla

14. What excites you? smiles,cats,wind chimes

15. Do you want to cut your hair?nope

16. Are you over the age of 25?nope

17. Do you talk a lot? depends...sometimes yes and sometimes no

18. Do you watch the O.C.? now wat is this? :S

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? nope

20. Do you make up your own words? ya!!

21. Are you a jealous person? HELL YA!!!

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’: Aina

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’: nope

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Aina

25. What does the last text message you received say?Liz watch news on net on geo tv N also musharaf's adress 2 da nation ok? Dn tel me abt it love u 2
me stil in clas (tat was aina:p patriotic soul)

26. Do you chew on your straw? ya :P

27. Do you have curly hair?Emm well I have wavy but nt curly

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? abhi tou I wil go into my bed and sleep

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? hmm currently tats my school receptionist :P

30. What was the last thing you ate? paratha with keema

31. Will you get married in the future? Will try my best NOT to!!!

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?Havent seen any in past two weeks

33. When was the last time you did the dishes? Emm dont really remember

34. Are you currently depressed? No

35. Did you cry today? No