Friday, April 27, 2007

This is wat Aina has to say about farewell :) luuuvvv uuu grl!!!!!
21st April’ 07

The event that I had been waiting for ages…but as the date approached, I didn’t want to go…for many reasons…first of all coz it would be the official goodbye to a levels and second of all, coz I didn’t want to get ready and other reasons that won’t make any sense to you all so let’s just move on…:p
Okay so let’s take it from the beginning…I was supposed to do the thank you speech which aliza helped me get out of coz I didn’t have energy to make a stage appearance…and being a sweet heart that liz is, I didn’t have to do it and yea also coz timsal stepped up and took the job on his shoulders :)
And now the preparations…at first I thought A1 won’t “fare us well” but then I saw the function take it its toll on everyone and I saw my liz giving it to the fullest coz of us, I mean me, jugi and tim.
So a day before the farewell, ilu and I sat on the bed talking out the routine that we would follow :p alina had to come dress me up as everyone knows I have no fashion sense but what a bummer when she told me she had a test and she wouldn’t be able to make it and what was worse was that liz was supposed to be at skool early so I thought no-looking good on this function! The very first being my stupid hair style! The girl at the parlor cut me bangs!...bangs!!!!!...i hate bangs!!!...and I couldn’t even do anything about it coz my head was bowed down and when she was done she was like: “I have cut you bangs, they would look good on you” and I felt like shouting: “I told u…nothing ABOVE my ears!!!” but as everyone knows, I can’t be angry especially not at people like that. I mean she was all chirpy and talkative….so what was the point in shouting at her right? And as I was sitting there having a haircut, guess whose voices I hear??...the beaconities!!! that spoiled my mood, I don’t really know why but it did…
Anyway I came home, got dressed up…all by myself :) but when ilu came she pointed out everything I had done wrong…I was made to put on the liner again :p…and was told how to push back my hair without making my forehead look so big!...
And then everyone started coming but not one person came on time!...and I called up everyone else and as it turned out, everybody was planning to be tardy so we all took off…that is, jugi, zonia, khaji, marium and aqsa. Met ayesha and filza at the skool…
And now the farewell!!!
I loved the backdrop!!!...
Everyone looked good :)
Liz u were looking hot ;)
And jugi u exaggerate a lot, I’m never buying your words again!....anyway you looked pretty as always :)
Timi bhai, it was the best you have looked in all functions!
And now about the other people, aqsa’s dressing came as a shock to me, even though she kept asking me: “aina over tou nhi hai”…I kept lying :$
I know I have NO right to pass on comments like that especially being the way I’m but I wanna :p have to keep it as a record. And from the beaconities, I liked only hira’s saree…bicharay, all of them looked so uncomfortable! From A1, other than lizzie, I liked how Zainab Abbas looked…anyway a lot of hooting and comments were passed during the whole function…! A1 boys crossed the line by pointing out things related to looks and stuff…and all that sohaib and saad’s baistee, it was very stupid and most importantly, not at all funny! as I was informed later, a lot of phadays took place and in JH history it was the first time, a function went this late!...I left at eleven but I was informed that it went up till 11:30….so as it ended, I had a dizzy head…the same feeling took over that I get after every function…hated the way I looked…nobody comment on this please!...and well at the end of it all, I was numb…not coz I didn’t carry any feelings…I don’t really know why…anyway it ended…ended good…lizzie ap chah gai compering mein :) and tim again, speech alla thi….aur bas…I guess that’s all…I was bummed coz nobody came to my house after the farewell, as we had planned coz it was very “late” and we are “girls”…they are not supposed to be out that late…*making faces*
Then the best part, KFC!!! And drinking coke after more than 2 months!!! :D and now that I have had the taste, I have gone nuts over it…sorry guys, the coke-quitting has ended…I can’t take it anymore!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Some wounds are still left to be healed
some scars are still cut open
Pain is still left somewhere inside
Mistakes are still committed
Lies are still manipulated into truth
Some losses still need redemption

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

If God answer's your prayers,He's increasing your faith.

If God delays, He's increasing your patience.

If He doesn't answer, He knows you can handle...

I know with His support I am going to handle it.....

Sunday, April 22, 2007

wen I am saying I want to wipe off my existence I mean it in literal sense.....I hate my being that I get disgusted by it feel like chopping off the parts I loathe
part of me which is always sad
part of me jealous
part of me afraid
I just want to disappear without anyone noticing....just disappear as if I never existed
Its a feeling that I dont want to die I just dont know how to xplain it....I want to run away from this place
Its not like I dont love people around me
I love them more than words can ever tell
but I am a kind of person whose absence would make a difference for a month or two and then evrything will be ok so its not like that I will leave back a big hollow emptiness behind....I am not saying that I am not loved
I have got bestest people of the world as my besties
ugh I am so bad at explaining myself.....
I never succeed in this thing
and right now I am numb....just had the very "usual" day of my life.....I wonder when this usual thing will change for me
maybe never :S
right now listening to junaid jamshed's awesome voice
zara badal kia chaheye
zara mausam kia badla
nazar sey rasta hi kho gaya
kabhi socha jo na tha woh hogaya
yeh tou hua
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
raha humein tou unka khayal
unhein lekin na hua juda hone ka malal
talking to aina on msg
n waiting if timsal bothers to reply:p
smelling the chicken being cooked in kitchen by amma and thinking about my lost apetite then :P
its been after a long time I am making such a post and dont know why I am in mood of talking endlessly to someone about evrything.....but kher I get this feeling quite often so I know how to control it...

palat key jo dekha ankhein hui num
aya nazar jab adhoora sa jeevan---song changed

I have heard someone saying
jin khwaishat ki takmeel na hosake unhein kuchaal do
aab tou yeh haal hai key jaiz khwaishat bhi najaiz lagne lag gayi hai
hansi ati hai apne aap pey kese aaram se mein ne yeh sab kuch hone dia aur bus khamosh rahi.....

toote toote vaade
toote toote vaade
dhunde waqt key naram saaye
kal bhi tha khander
aab bhi hai veeran
kal bhi the khander
aab bhi hai veeran
mange hai jeevan pal bhar sahahra

ya its too much silence in my room only the voice of junaid jamshed echoing and me relating to it.....
again msged timsal so tat he replies
but that chaval banda wont so lets just dont wait for his reply
from tomorrow skool again
but this is not going to be the same again
just few days more and it wont be same EVER again
life can get so cruel sometimes
and its just TOO difficult to move on
the thoughts are just to maddening and scary that I am freaking out myself

Now I shud end this pointless post
plz if you want to lecture me dont comment cuz I am already sick

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
so today was the farewell
everything turned out to be fine ....after work of all the days I am glad evrything went good :)
Got to see people in totally different yet awesome ways
beginning with aina
choori you were luking so pretty with the new hairstyle and the copper colour was looking nice on you thanks God no black this time ....

komal were looking so cute seriously white suits you

and timsal dude you were just awesome and I thought why dont i hav a crush on this banda ....itna acha lag raha hai :P :P :P :P

cuming to the items
I loved the A-2 ki khaani
and I also liked the parody of beaconities though they all were whinning abt it and called me a traitor tat aina ki bezti nahi ki ulta usse gift dey dia....but ppl behan ke hone ka kuch tou fayada ho cud I hav allowed them to beztify my aina

And I worked A LOT they gave all the back stage work to me and I cudnt sit for a wile and enjoy the performances but still it was fun :D
and affan ki acting in JH idol tat was HILARIOUS!!!!
My comparing was quite good
Aina said I looked hot:p
jugi said I looked hot :P
ilu said the same
and timsal has not replied yet
I am so happy tat i gave the titles to my besties....they are gona remember that their journey ended with jh with me standing at the end to say good bye to all of you :)
and as I was anticipating tat i wud get sad and cry
I am not sad
I am happy for all of you
you r stepping forward in your lives and I would love to see all of you in prestigious universities and having success
my prayers and my unflinching support will always be with you
ending with these lyrics We dedicated to A-2 :)

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


time slips

monotonous is you

never changed is me....

plz be quiet for a while and listen to what I have got to say.....I never say it you will just get some subtle signs......which wont be noticed.....

Saturday, April 14, 2007

And sometimes you get used to of your pain and it doesnt hurt much
The extreme of it has just numbed your senses and it feels like its non-existant
but let me tell you the truth
it has killed you it has wipped off your emotional existence
like I am emotionally dead.

Find the words to make me better-Evanescence

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth savin’ me

Sunday, April 8, 2007



Saturday, April 7, 2007


I am ...
the most weird person you will ever come across

I wonder ...
if my wounds will ever be healed?

I hear ...

I see ...

I want ...
my best friends to be truly happy
and I also want to never relapse

I am.....
A girl, who cares about everyone around her and yet she is always misunderstood and tagged as SELFISH

I pretend ...
a lot
even sometimes in front of people really close to me

I feel ...
like shit most of the time

i know.....
there is nothing I can do about my sadness

I worry ...
about my career

I cry ...

I am....
An insecure Girl, empty inside

I understand...
people need their space and relations need time to grow and futile relations only bring pain to you...

I say...
things against myself

I dream...
I hate dreams they hurt!

I try ...
to be there for everyone

I hope ...
I will survive out of it soon...

I am...
a person who is too different to belong here....

Friday, April 6, 2007

Survey time!

I AM...

A tough cookie

Manic Depressive
Dumb -sometimes, lol


A daydreamer
Laid back
Easy going

A procrastinator
Bone idle
A failure
A success
Color blind
Free willed
Easily offended
Open minded
Close minded

did I miss some ? correct me if i did :S
I tag everyone reading my blog enjoy! :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

this is how I feel......
picture speaks for itself
the thoughts are just too much to take
worries of future
helplessness of my present
darkness of my pasts
nothing is going away...its rising up its piling up inside me and I am just as helpless as I have ever been...
The feels my head will explode...literally!
ugh I suck at words too!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2007


They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see

Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
I can totally relate to it....

Mere Naqshgar, Mere kozagar
mujhe torr dey,mujhe torr dey
Mein khizan raseeda shajr hun ik
Mujhe phir se azaan-e-bahar dey
Meri zindagi ko nikhaar dey
Mujhe bakhsh phir se hiyaat-no
Mere naqsh phir se bana
Mere khal-o-khad sanwaar dey