Tuesday, September 25, 2007


I cant look back into the past as the horrifying times are choking and the good memories bring yearning.I cant look into the future because there is nothing much to hold onto and reality bites me everytime I want to look forward to something so right now I am stuck in my greypresent.Ever used colours to describe your days? my days are grey..with a tinge of green.Its weird to describe...I am floating..I am floating in time just moving with everyday
And for all the optimistic people out the I know future might have something good but for time being I am stuck..I choke on my every thought,its maddening in my head I cant seem to find any way out.I dont have anything to wait for,I am not anticipating anything,I am not excited about anything to happen...
How the hell do you describe it!!??? I am not getting satisfied with what I am writing it isnt clearly telling what I am feeling..ugh how do you say it
maybe you call it hollowness of time :S
or emptiness of your emotions :S
I dont know I am very much confused and in attempt to stop all the thoughts for future and about past I am afraid I might not be able to feel anything..nah I am a big sensitive freak I would definetely feel thats the only thing I am good at...feeling things to their extreme and then getting scared of the emotional scars...
well I should just end this pointless post
my bio test tomorrow
me all prepared
I wish I could just learn the eqautions and facts of life this easily too and then be at peace by applying them
I wish life was a little more easier..patience and compromises are really two nerve-testing things!
I feel tired now
emotionally and physically
its full moon tonite..
I am so random....blah blah
Ya Allah kia bane ga mera :P
you ppl are allowed to doubt my mental condition by this post :P lols
take care everybody
I will switch off my body now(will sleep)
2-phosphoglycerate is converted to phosphophenol pyruvate with a release of one water molecule.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I am breaking into you...

And I feel the pain behind your words
You might have been choosing them in a way not to hurt
and you beautifully hide behind your facade
I know it has been learnt over the years
but I see the cracks in it..
I know I am breaking into you
You do continue with your regular talks
and all those little ways of telling how your days have been
but behind it
there are uncertainities
millions of black insecurities
bleak subtle emotions to be taken care of
darkness of fears
but I am breaking through into it
I promise to shine light there
and pull out the real you..

tag time

ok now I have been tagged by illusion

Three wishes of lifetime

*mujhe roza lag raha hai and my head is spinning so this post might not turn out very gud..pardon me for that :P*

1.I want to grow up into someone who is helping people and working for causes practically,not just supporting em but helping out by being a part of volunteers.I want to help people in all ways I can and their smiles will be my pay tats all I want in return...I dont want to end my life like any other normal domestic girl but I want to do something purposeful in my life for people and not just continue existing...

2.With my art and sketching I want to potray real intense human emotions of pain and distress and then I want people to relate to my work and then feel connected to it..like they are not the only one going through pain my art has to be a prove that we all go through tough times and we are not alone.

3.Your mesmerizing smile I want to see it all my life.I wait for the day when you come to me all exicted with happiness shinning in your eyes and glow of joy on your face telling me "lizzie everything turned out to be fine at the end..I got my redemption and now I am happy truly happy forever and ever...I am a successful survivor:)"

I tag everyone reading it and having time and enough energy to think about their wishes not loosers like me who take so long to come up with just three wishes! :P



And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

I dont know what tomorrow holds for me but
I dont wana float in time like I am right now...

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

stuck in a pinhole

looking back into all these years I see a life filled with intense emotions.It had been at its worse and it had given me tears of joy too

thanks to a million tears I have cried and thanks to a million heartaches
thanks to all those people coming and going in my life for using me and then throwing me away I can never forget the feel and emotion felt thru all this while and thanks because it has made me learn so much in life and so early
and ya I want to show my gratitude to you for snatching away the innocence of my past and making me face the realities too early and making me bitter till my core and giving me the gift of self-hatred I dont want to blame you for anything yet I wish you could just realise what a wreckage you have done maybe knowingly...
Yes God I love the strength You have given me and I want this to stay with me for my whole life and yes for all the good that happened to me from the one having a soul link with me
and yes thanks to all the obstacles which we have to go through
You led me to the flood lights and then threw me in a pinhole
yet I will have to compromise
thanks to everyone and everything tat has ever happened to me cuz at the end of the day I learned so much from everything...


thankyou everyone who wished me today :) It meant alot to me

*aina only if you had been here with me this post cud have been so happy...miss you*

Sunday, September 16, 2007

fading shadows..

And I dont hate you no i really dont
I aint angry either I really aint
but I do feel
I feel
what you wanted to make me feel
but I do wait
I wait
for the time when I will forgive you
but I do know
I know
that aint in near future
but I do hope
I hope
My time will come and will surely come
and I will tell
I will tell
how you turned me into shadows
I can feel I wont stay this for long
I will come out of the curtains
and you will see someone you never knew..
my time will come..

Friday, September 14, 2007

Coldplay-The scientist
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.
Im going back to the start.

Its like fragile pieces of her which I hold in my arms and try to put em in right place
and I promise I wont let them fall apart again...I will keep em safe in me...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

days spin..


manzil ke kareeb pohnch kar rasta bhool jana
apne hi pao ke nishano mein ulajh jana

zindagi hai aik musalsal azaab
kuch din ansoo bahana kuch din sabr krna

Well words dont really convey the intensity of emotions
and I am hollow inside
I stare at her words
there is nothing which can be done
welcome to reality here the pain continues.....and just continues...days spin...reality begins
tears fall
holding on lets me down
floating in time...
days spin..

Thursday, September 6, 2007

slight tingling

meri rahaton ka pata tum
mere aaebo ko jou dhak de woh pak si rida tum

Meri samjh mein khushion aur gham ka hisaab kabhi nahi hai
khushian ajeeb hoti hai...hamesha qiston mein milti hai na ke ghum ki tarah jou aik hi bar jama hou kr soud ke sath humein mil jata hai...
khushian aesi hain jese kisi sahara mein chand boondain barish ki
aese jese kisi tareek raat mein tesri ke chand ki halki halki roshni
aese jese chilchilati dhoop mein halki si thandi narmahat
khushian ajeeb hoti hai
apne sath aur apne peeche aik kasak chor jati hai

A slight tingling
small pauses in talks of knowing the reality
those dots....
true smiles but holding shades of longing
peace setting in yet not completely

I have got everything still i yearn for you....thats real life...but I am happy :)

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I am not what I look like

blue garb is back to life
walking through the corridors
she puts on her daily facade
laughing out her hollow roots
living under a mask of smiles
missing the good old times
hurting after every second of laughter
she continues to be what she really isn't