Friday, March 30, 2007

maybe not very good :S
From Million little pieces:

I want to run or die or get fucked up.
I want to be blind and dumb and have no heart.
I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.
I want to wipe my existence straight off the map.
Straight off the fucking map.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

random ramblings...

And sometimes everything seems so dark that you are unable to see the hand coming to hold you and raise you up.

you need not to be truthful to love someone ....sometimes just small lies can be the best while at other times these small lies can be as deadly as poison.The point is that these are our attempts to save the person we love from the arsenic our truths hold.....but dont you think sometimes its difficult to understand either lies are more dangerous or the truth will break someone into million little pieces...

reh gaya hai haath mein kia
kuch toote hue khawab
aik bujhi si arzoo
chand bemaiyni sochein
unginaat sawal
aur bus meri udaasi....

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Its hard to take it! I know I cant change the present I cant change my past I am losing my future and here I stand staring in the emptiness
I know I cant be normal and I have stopped trying for it
You never stop hurting me and I never stop expecting something good from this life which definitely never comes.....
I am down to the bottom and I am not going to get up anymore
Fuck this life
fuck the words you say to make my world crumble to pieces
Now you hav also said that you will soon leave
fine go!
who else has stayed with me that I should expect you to stay?
If I am alone I am fine with it
I love you and you also love me and it isnt your fault too....its hard for you to take it
I just wish someday someone just thinks about me what I want .....wishes dont cum true!!!!!!!
just too angry and too hurt to say anything


For you my meethi sweet thing :) your sweetness makes me stick to you :P
snow patrol: shut your eyes

Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
And learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
And the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
You can imagine this place
Yeah our secret space at will

Shut your eyes I'll spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy light and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

And when the worrying starts to hurt
And the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
You can imagine this place
Yeah our secret space at will

Shut your eyes
Shut your eyes
Shut your eyes
Shut your eyes

Shut your eyes and sing to me
Shut your eyes and sing to me
Shut your eyes and sing to me
Shut your eyes and sing to me

God take everything I have and give her everything she wants and I will be the luckiest girl to exist on this earth :)

Monday, March 26, 2007

I live a nightmare and I sleep with nightmares funny isnt it?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

I want to you shine your light on me

Only you can save me God

I want my lost faith back

I am nothing now.....

help me.

Friday, March 23, 2007

I'm not stuck anymore.. I'm just falling. I'm not falling forward, I'm falling backwards to nothing; back to how everything used to be, back to everything I've been afraid of. I just hope I stop falling from a branch hanging out on the edge rather than hitting solid bottom.

This is what I read and its funny yet sad how I can relate to it. I just feel plain jealous of people who know what's happening to them and who know how to put it into words. I am just sturggling....
I am a liar sometimes its just too difficult to face your own reality and I have these "sometimes" all the times, running from my fears, my insecurities ,my brutual realities .....I am lost in no where
I have lost my track and I am afraid to say there is no way leading back to me
see here again I am afraid to accept the realities, the truths of my life which are quite painful to acknowledge....
The things I feel might be very trivial to you and I myself consider them not big enough but small things hurt too don't they? or maybe I am again overreacting ....
ugh see how unsure I am
this is not xactly unsurity its my habbit to lie about what I feel.
You know what I am sick of these lies but I cant stop it now. I will die if I stopped lying
feeling safe
secure about my relations
are the feelings I have not felt ever in my life and well some people do spend their lives without gaining anything..... rite?
khasara hi khasara hota hai
and I can see from here what I had and what I am soon going to lose.....

Thursday, March 22, 2007


Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way
I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow
When the faith has gone as I let you go, as I let you go

=) =) =)=)
I want each one of us THIS happy =)

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

this post goes to jugi!

she is the sweetest person you will ever cum across :)

n yara the more people hurt me the more I am in love with you

you make me feel strong and good enough to survive through it

luv you


leave plz!

I want to shut all the doors and windows of this world over me

No hurting words would ever come inside and I would be just peaceful with the pain I already have in me.
ANYONE not ready to listen to my depressing stuff can easily go and dont come back.
You never realise how you can never stop hurting me
maybe its in your habits now
God why do I have to hear all those such words?
I try my best to do what you like
but never GOOD ENUF!
fine I wont try to do anything from now on
I dont have the energy and I dont wana give it a try anymore
I learn to live without things which once meant so much for me but they werent meant to be mine....
aina maybe you will think I am overreacting or something like that
but this is me!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun

Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun

Ander Toun Hai Bahir Toun Hai
Ander Toun Bahir Toun

Ander Toun Hai Bahir Toun Hai
Roam Roam Wich Toun

Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun.

Kahay Hussain Fakeer Saeen Da
Kahay Hussain Fakeer Saeen Da
Kahay Hussain Fakeer Saeen Da
Mera Sub Kuch Toun
Mera Sub Kuch Tuuuuu

Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun

Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun
Raba Mairay Haal Da Mehrum Toun...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I know I know YOU hate my silence and you always expect a response from me....but what you are asking me to do I wont do it in my whole see you getting irritated gives a satisfaction yet a pinch of guilt too....but still I secretly have an evil smile on my face...I wonder if you noticed it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

this is my tragedy........

You cannot say you dont love me,
No, you just can't.

You cannot raise your hand and strike me,
Even if you must, you just cant.

You cannot say that you dont need me,
Dont deny it, because you cant.

You cannot supress whats inside me,
You may try, but you cant.

You cannot kill my emotions,
Logic won't work here, it cant.

You cannot keep it a secret,
I'll not let it be one, I cant.

You cannot hide forever,
Behind your liqour, you just cant.

You cannot face the angels,
They shun you, so you cant.

You cannot stop me from praying,
I pray for you, so you cant.

You cannot be all pretentious,
And expect me not to be, you cant.

You cannot be all-knowing,
No man can know all; you cant!

You cannot really be who you are,
I have faith in you still, you cant.

You cannot expect me to love you still,
Trust me, you cant.

You cannot begin to imagine,
My life with you, you cant.

You cannot even dream of,
Making me feel happy, you just cant.

You cannot hug or kiss,
To subdue the pain, you cant.

You cannot even say soft words,
To distract me from it, you cant.

You cannot be what you should be,
Its what I hope for, but you cant.

You cannot even appreciate,
The respect that you command, you cant.

You cannot even remember,
My first walk or word, you cant.

You cannot ignore my pleading,
Listen! You cant.

You cannot overlook my care for you,
Then again, you just cant.

You cannot take me for granted, though,
I wont allow it, so you cant.

You cannot bear what is within me,
Take a hint, dad, you just cant.


Monday, March 12, 2007

Yun hota tou kia hota....?

Yun hota tou kia hota....
Na mere jism per yeh zakhm hote
na mere ankhon mein yeh jaalan hoti
na mere ander dard ki andhian chalti
na mere ehsaas marte.....
Yun hota tou kia hota.....
We spent most of our life thinking how things cud have been How things shud be.....but nothing works our way haina?
but why stop dreaming at least you feel alive thinking hoping waiting
When everything gets too miserable for us we start waiting for miracles and may be miracles do happen but dont you think this wait thing gets tooo long?
Well I am here making a quite pointless post its nothing related to my present state of my mind
right now my head aches like anything because of well you know what happened today
Sometimes I do think I dont deserve it.
I know I am not the perfect person I have done a lot of crap to people in my life
but still sometimes its just too much to take it
but then everyone says I am strong I can come out of it and all this kind of stuff
this makes me think ke han shayad I am just overreacting but still I need a break really I do need it I need some peace of mind so that I can study
the name of stupid enzymes the laws of physics the reactions of chemistry dont make sense I just skim through pages and at the end I am left with nothing else just the noise and headaches
I really need a break!
time has been so brutual to me I need just some time to heal but NO i m forced to do all the energy and concentration requiring stuff......
I need something more than myself this time...... I really do
today I felt so much hatred towards myself I cant even xplain in words how it feels!
a part of you is feeling so much satisfied and the other part is being cut into slices!
I am sick of being strong and pretending so much
all those fake laughters and giggles burn me
I am afraid of myself.
I really want to change but I know I wont be able to do it I am not determined and to tell you the truth is I am not strong If i wud have been strong I wud have changed myself I wud have overcomed my weaknesses but I dint.
ok now lets just end this pointless post :P

Sunday, March 11, 2007


"abhi tou yeh sari baatein buri lag rahi hai but baad mein realise hota hai kaash kar leya hota and then to see everyone else in a much better condition than yourself,cuts like a knife"

this is what my best friend timsal said to me few days back
I was mad at him that time so I dint get his lecture but now I do realise how true it is.

seriously saying there are few things in life more bad than regret
When you waste time it then wastes you
Avail your time because when it passes away leaving so much undone,you are left with this feeling of regret
and yes it does cuts like a knife.

Friday, March 9, 2007


this is for you aina :)

snow petrol-hands open

I want to hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me tired with joy

snow patrol roxx!

Thursday, March 8, 2007

All these fights you do
make me feel my eyes getting wet
pain rising in my head
my limbs getting weak
I am falling into the pit, you have created for me
You know I am aclimitized to this darkness
still I drag myself out everytime I fall
but one day I wont come out
and I know you wont even notice where I faded away.....
We all live in a denial regarding our emotions.Deep down inside we all know what we are feeling but the chains of our society are so tight that we deny eveything we feel.We are not supposed to feel jealousy,we are not supposed to feel anger,we are not supposed to feel love and all such kind of feelings are bound of approval from our court of conscience.The court which is kind to everyone else but ourselves.Most of the personality crisis we come across are just because of this denial we live in.....I know most of you wont agree with me and there are many such theories in my mind but no one will agree with me so I just keep them inside my head.
And for you aina, take your time emotions are definitely hard to handle and it takes time.I am also going through some mess in my mind and I know with time its gona be ok.
with time things change,people change so does the voices in the head.

and timsal you were looking really cute today...hehehe I wish I had your pic right now and I could post it here with all those blue yellow red colours making you a cute cartoon.Hehehe

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

I hate to be so helpless. Prayers no more work!

Linkin Park-
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

but still I wont let you win over me! Not this time!

Sunday, March 4, 2007

breathing away this life....

There is no light at the end of this tunnel.
I am heading for a failure
I wish I could make you read all this I am sorry for not being a perfect daughter as you wanted me to be
I am sorry for everytime I shouted at you
I am sorry for everytime I pushed you away
I am sorry for everytime I made fun of you

Snow patrol-its beginning to get to me:
Don’t have to prove that you are so strong
Cause I can carry you on my back
After our enemies attack
I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

and yes I am sorry to you too...cuz no matter what you did to me and still do I love you and I am no one to judge you...we had never been close enough to talk out things and maybe somewhere it wasnt your mistake as well,it was just the time and circumstances....somewhere we lost it and now nothing can be done about it.You live your life and I breathe away mine....

Friday, March 2, 2007

Thursday, March 1, 2007


By Aina:
I love the way you talk
and I love the way you walk
and the way you make sense all the time
and the way you make me smile
I love you and every little thing you do
you make my life worthwhile :)

By timsal:
with you I can go for miles
whatever you say it all makes sense
you always make me rite when I am down,baffled or just plain tensed
your wisdom makes me wonder
your words are just so tender
be it nethng
you are my life's mender :)

i must have done smthng awfully gud to please the higher AUTHORITEs...ur being here makes me complete....i love getting ur msgs as bonagy as they mite be...ill miss the most ur comforting word..and unflinching care u seem to provide...all teh time...i sometimes think ur an angel...and not human...jhoot if ur here to guide especially

sorry ilu i stole the picture:P :P